Tuesday, December 15, 2009

As the Prophecy Fortold

ACK! I never reviewed that rawesome Hookah Freak flavor from the blendoff competition I said I would! SORRYHEREITIS:

Hookah Freak - Mad Hatter
In the box: Somewhat spicy. Somewhat stale. Spicy. Very strong. It smells very much like tea. Very familiar, but veeery hard to put my finger on. Nobody could, really. Put their finger on it that is.
In the bowl: Definitely tastes like it smells, if that helps, though I wouldn't say it does. Familiar, tea-like, sweet spice. Delicious! Happy I picked it. Here's the quote from the blender off of the H-H website - 1 1/2 Chai tea, Spiced Rum, 1 1/2 Orange, Cinnamon. Ever wonder what Tea was served to Alice in Wonderland? Well, now you know. Yeah I guess it's not much more than what I gave you, but hey, no one describes their creation like the creator, am I right?
star star star star star
Hookah Freak Mad Hatter: 5/5 stars
Wheeooo! What a winner. I'm rooting for it in the blend-off.

I am listening to chaotic Irish music (absolute love = where Pandora took my Flogging Molly obsession) and "studying geology." I want to blow off some steam by rattling off some borderline-psychotropic poetry/prose but I have less ammunition than I thought. Give it time, friends.

Actually, SPEAKING of prophecies, I have something I can rail on about: Legend of the Seeker. What a crock. I was all about being ironically devoted to a show whose cheesy action sequences, and overly hot chicks, and stubborn adherence to and simultaneous flirtatious likelihood to disobey abstinence between the two main characters, and the use of common nouns as Proper Nouns (i.e. Seeker, Keeper, Rift, Confessor) all combined in a glorious clusterfuck of the Surprisingly Enjoyable Yet Undoubtedly Bad. And I was actually pretty invested at the end of the first season. They accomplished their goal, the prophesized one, turned some foes into friends along the way (namely an extremely hot one), and it was pretty satisfying. Then the last lines were the most obnoxious incarnation of "AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ADVENTURES AWAIT US NEXT!" "YOU ARE RIGHT, COMPANION. OUR ADVENTURES ARE CERTAINLY NOT OVER. EVEN THOUGH EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AND ABSOLUTELY NO FORESHADOWING FOR WHAT COULD GO WRONG HAS BEEN PRESENTED!" "ADVENTURE!" reared its ugly - and I do mean ugly - head, and the writers that had just put their pens and pencils back in their fanny packs as they nodded their heads and started phoning their families were called back into the conference room and chained to uncomfortable machines that filled their already sub-competent brains with hackneyed and dare I say unbelievable "plot" twists.
So the second season starts with this prophecy mistress dropping in to deliver a surprisingly arbitrary "Oh, hey, the Seeker that I said was the real Seeker isn't the real Seeker anymore. You gonna... appoint a new one of those? Maybe this guy right here that I can totally manipulate maybe?" And ever since every choice and character that's been introduced has been exponentially more irritating than the last. I get so angry and yet, every Monday (or so) I'm back on Hulu watching it. The 45 minutes spend traipsing around the Midlands are just comprised of me yelling at the screen about how fucking unbearable and/or inconsistent the characters are; or how the events are clearly generated by a force as transparent as "the writers will it so" and not anything having to do with characterization, foreshadowing, or what is interesting or unexpected; or hitting and throwing things.
All that being said, the hot chicks in the show do make it kinda worth it, especially since they're both so damn good at killing fuckers. The first one, Kahlan, tries to be all virtuous about it, but the second one, Cara, is the only practical one on the show and she's ruthless. I love her. Her train of thought is always something like "Well, the only solution to our problem is if this person dies, right? We should kill them. No? Are you serious? If you won't kill him I will kill him. No, listen, we need to fucking kill him will you just grow a pair?" or "Ok, this person that we desperately need has run away twice since you won't let me torture and tie him up. PLEASE let me torture him and tie him up. GODDAMN IT, WHY DO I LISTEN TO YOU IDIOTS?!"
In summary, this show sucks, but I can't not watch.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Lap-Barf With Tea

You know, how, sometimes, you study REAL REAL hard on just a couple of things for an exam? They're the things you know you don't know and you devote virtually all your time and attention to them and after a while you actually feel really confident about them? And then you go to actually take your final and the prof asks absolutely nothing about those things and has, say, 2.5 pages on things you forgot about entirely?
Yeah, that just happened to me.
Ordinarily, I call that and other forms of ridiculously bad performance "barfing in my lap" on an exam, but ever since my friend Nathan had to take his finals with some sort of stomach virus and actually projectile vomited all over his lap/desk/test I have to watch my words. In my context though, I barfed in my lap. It's too bad 'cause I didn't particularly like econ, but the teacher was great and very helpful and I was kicking ass and taking names at the beginning of the semester.

Shooort review today guys, I have other things on my mind.

HookaH-HookaH - Chai
In the box: Well, it doesn't smell like chai. It smells rich, spicy, pretty minty as a matter of fact. but not like chai which I thought they could have gotten spot on.
In the bowl: Nnnngggg... Not a fan. The only herb I'm getting out of this muddled flavor is anise, and we all know how I feel about that. It's just not chai. It might be pretty nice for those among us that like licoriceyness, because I will say that the mildewy, unavoidable, all-consumuing vibe that anise-heavy flavors rock like their favorite pair of cutoffs is surprisingly absent. So 1, it took me some time to realize what I was tasting and 2, it was the most enjoyable black licorice encounter I've ever had to date. Still not good. Why couldn't it just be, oh, chai?
star star star star star
Hookah-Hookah Chai: 1/5 stars
Because I mean come on, guys. It's chai. It's right there. This tobacco wasn't on par in smell nor taste and it was nasty to boot. At least the smell/taste is there if you're feeling it.

Tra la la. There'll be a lot more of me falling in a forest with no one around to hear it in the coming week since finals suck and all, but jeez louise does it leave me with a lot of free time. TTFN.

Friday, December 11, 2009


Holy cow, non-readers, look how much shisha I've been reviewing. WOW.

Um, actually what's going on in my life has been FINALSFINALSFINALSFUCKMEINTHEASSWITHA40-FOOTFINALSPOLE. No good no good at all.

However, I have been whittling the time away by discovering my deep and potentially undying love for Chris Hardwick and his blog. And his comedy mans. And his show. And his scruffy little half-beard. He has the best links and humor guys. The best. Anywhoosles...

Through The Nerdist I have come across my own internet findings such as a toy for those kids comfortable with the risk of squirting pressurized Kool-aid or lemonade or ginger ale directly into their eyes. Does any of this have to do with hookah? Or my portfolio that's due in 2 hours? WHY NO! Oh, what a jolly adventure through the Blagosphere you have found yourself upon.

*sigh* On to finish "Cephalopod." I'll let you know how it goes.