Tuesday, December 15, 2009

As the Prophecy Fortold

ACK! I never reviewed that rawesome Hookah Freak flavor from the blendoff competition I said I would! SORRYHEREITIS:

Hookah Freak - Mad Hatter
In the box: Somewhat spicy. Somewhat stale. Spicy. Very strong. It smells very much like tea. Very familiar, but veeery hard to put my finger on. Nobody could, really. Put their finger on it that is.
In the bowl: Definitely tastes like it smells, if that helps, though I wouldn't say it does. Familiar, tea-like, sweet spice. Delicious! Happy I picked it. Here's the quote from the blender off of the H-H website - 1 1/2 Chai tea, Spiced Rum, 1 1/2 Orange, Cinnamon. Ever wonder what Tea was served to Alice in Wonderland? Well, now you know. Yeah I guess it's not much more than what I gave you, but hey, no one describes their creation like the creator, am I right?
star star star star star
Hookah Freak Mad Hatter: 5/5 stars
Wheeooo! What a winner. I'm rooting for it in the blend-off.

I am listening to chaotic Irish music (absolute love = where Pandora took my Flogging Molly obsession) and "studying geology." I want to blow off some steam by rattling off some borderline-psychotropic poetry/prose but I have less ammunition than I thought. Give it time, friends.

Actually, SPEAKING of prophecies, I have something I can rail on about: Legend of the Seeker. What a crock. I was all about being ironically devoted to a show whose cheesy action sequences, and overly hot chicks, and stubborn adherence to and simultaneous flirtatious likelihood to disobey abstinence between the two main characters, and the use of common nouns as Proper Nouns (i.e. Seeker, Keeper, Rift, Confessor) all combined in a glorious clusterfuck of the Surprisingly Enjoyable Yet Undoubtedly Bad. And I was actually pretty invested at the end of the first season. They accomplished their goal, the prophesized one, turned some foes into friends along the way (namely an extremely hot one), and it was pretty satisfying. Then the last lines were the most obnoxious incarnation of "AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ADVENTURES AWAIT US NEXT!" "YOU ARE RIGHT, COMPANION. OUR ADVENTURES ARE CERTAINLY NOT OVER. EVEN THOUGH EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AND ABSOLUTELY NO FORESHADOWING FOR WHAT COULD GO WRONG HAS BEEN PRESENTED!" "ADVENTURE!" reared its ugly - and I do mean ugly - head, and the writers that had just put their pens and pencils back in their fanny packs as they nodded their heads and started phoning their families were called back into the conference room and chained to uncomfortable machines that filled their already sub-competent brains with hackneyed and dare I say unbelievable "plot" twists.
So the second season starts with this prophecy mistress dropping in to deliver a surprisingly arbitrary "Oh, hey, the Seeker that I said was the real Seeker isn't the real Seeker anymore. You gonna... appoint a new one of those? Maybe this guy right here that I can totally manipulate maybe?" And ever since every choice and character that's been introduced has been exponentially more irritating than the last. I get so angry and yet, every Monday (or so) I'm back on Hulu watching it. The 45 minutes spend traipsing around the Midlands are just comprised of me yelling at the screen about how fucking unbearable and/or inconsistent the characters are; or how the events are clearly generated by a force as transparent as "the writers will it so" and not anything having to do with characterization, foreshadowing, or what is interesting or unexpected; or hitting and throwing things.
All that being said, the hot chicks in the show do make it kinda worth it, especially since they're both so damn good at killing fuckers. The first one, Kahlan, tries to be all virtuous about it, but the second one, Cara, is the only practical one on the show and she's ruthless. I love her. Her train of thought is always something like "Well, the only solution to our problem is if this person dies, right? We should kill them. No? Are you serious? If you won't kill him I will kill him. No, listen, we need to fucking kill him will you just grow a pair?" or "Ok, this person that we desperately need has run away twice since you won't let me torture and tie him up. PLEASE let me torture him and tie him up. GODDAMN IT, WHY DO I LISTEN TO YOU IDIOTS?!"
In summary, this show sucks, but I can't not watch.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Lap-Barf With Tea

You know, how, sometimes, you study REAL REAL hard on just a couple of things for an exam? They're the things you know you don't know and you devote virtually all your time and attention to them and after a while you actually feel really confident about them? And then you go to actually take your final and the prof asks absolutely nothing about those things and has, say, 2.5 pages on things you forgot about entirely?
Yeah, that just happened to me.
Ordinarily, I call that and other forms of ridiculously bad performance "barfing in my lap" on an exam, but ever since my friend Nathan had to take his finals with some sort of stomach virus and actually projectile vomited all over his lap/desk/test I have to watch my words. In my context though, I barfed in my lap. It's too bad 'cause I didn't particularly like econ, but the teacher was great and very helpful and I was kicking ass and taking names at the beginning of the semester.

Shooort review today guys, I have other things on my mind.

HookaH-HookaH - Chai
In the box: Well, it doesn't smell like chai. It smells rich, spicy, pretty minty as a matter of fact. but not like chai which I thought they could have gotten spot on.
In the bowl: Nnnngggg... Not a fan. The only herb I'm getting out of this muddled flavor is anise, and we all know how I feel about that. It's just not chai. It might be pretty nice for those among us that like licoriceyness, because I will say that the mildewy, unavoidable, all-consumuing vibe that anise-heavy flavors rock like their favorite pair of cutoffs is surprisingly absent. So 1, it took me some time to realize what I was tasting and 2, it was the most enjoyable black licorice encounter I've ever had to date. Still not good. Why couldn't it just be, oh, chai?
star star star star star
Hookah-Hookah Chai: 1/5 stars
Because I mean come on, guys. It's chai. It's right there. This tobacco wasn't on par in smell nor taste and it was nasty to boot. At least the smell/taste is there if you're feeling it.

Tra la la. There'll be a lot more of me falling in a forest with no one around to hear it in the coming week since finals suck and all, but jeez louise does it leave me with a lot of free time. TTFN.

Friday, December 11, 2009


Holy cow, non-readers, look how much shisha I've been reviewing. WOW.

Um, actually what's going on in my life has been FINALSFINALSFINALSFUCKMEINTHEASSWITHA40-FOOTFINALSPOLE. No good no good at all.

However, I have been whittling the time away by discovering my deep and potentially undying love for Chris Hardwick and his blog. And his comedy mans. And his show. And his scruffy little half-beard. He has the best links and humor guys. The best. Anywhoosles...

Through The Nerdist I have come across my own internet findings such as a toy for those kids comfortable with the risk of squirting pressurized Kool-aid or lemonade or ginger ale directly into their eyes. Does any of this have to do with hookah? Or my portfolio that's due in 2 hours? WHY NO! Oh, what a jolly adventure through the Blagosphere you have found yourself upon.

*sigh* On to finish "Cephalopod." I'll let you know how it goes.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I DON'T LIKE GRAVY. There. I said it.

I don't like it, typically I think grey foods on the whole are gross. Gravy smells like brown and fat, and that's mostly what it is. Some of my favorite webcartoonists, bloggeurs, and family members live for the stuff but I don't. I made 5 pies today, you think I'm gonna fill up on animal drippings first? Yeah. No please.

All this comes to light because since being home I haven't smoked much - mom really looks down on it and my most recent friend hostess isn't too keen either - so I am behind in my journal.

I am thankful for my boyfriend, the many factors including family and schooling allowing me to go to the Galapagos in May, knowing the value of working for a living, DVR, and improv, and spirals.

Now to finish Ghost Hunters and resist falling asleep on the couch. Much love!!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Before the Fattening

Takin' it easy at home, waiting for the day I will eat my weight in pies and such, playing Harvest Moon and watching The Soup! Such funny business. (Until a Lifetime Original Movie comes on, then it's all drama all the time.)

I also just got myself an interview at Toys 'R' Us. Yes, I could be working at Toys 'R' Us for the holiday season, sure to either fill me with enough magic to restart believing in Santa, or kill my soul so utterly I will become an unrecognizable coal-black shell of a carbon life form and not much more. And that's IF I get the job. So we shall see.

A word on boring-ass Wii games such as Harvest Moon:
_ I love them. Harvest Moon, Animal Crossing, all you do is go about you life in a small town where you know everyone and, furthermore, can get something out of them. The problem with Animal Crossing: City Folks is that it is in real time. PAINSTAKING real time. So when I abandon it to go to school and come ome 4 months later, all the little big-nosed animals are all just screeching "WOAH! I haven't seen you in 4 MONTHS! Blah blah blah horrible horrible horrible..." for a couple days actually, and my house is full of cockroaches to boot.
_ So that (in a way) brings me back to Harvest Moon. Tree of Tranquility is the Wii version, and gameplay is something like 5 minutes:second, game:real. The goal? Run farm, build rainbows. THAT'S IT. You can go fishing, make nicey-nice with the locals, settle down and pop out a kid if you wish, but all of that comes with the freedom to completely subvert the designed plot and take time to, I dunno, learn every single recipe or something. I, however, am quite goal-oriented, and even in my relentless quest for rainbows, I am still left with copious amounts of free time.
Rainbows are "built" by completing "recipes" by bringing ingredients to a delightful little fairy. So if they need, say, some flax yarn (which I haven't found to buy), you can buy the seeds any time, but you have to wait until Spring to sow them. And if you don't already have a yarn maker or some shit you best be stashing that flax until you do. Overall the game is an exercise in both delightfulness and patience. Though by the same token, even with my horse (or ostrich. Yes.) to shuttle me around town, the time can really be a constraint. In my Gamecube version, It's a Wonderful Life, each second was only one minute and in my eyes, it was perfect. In Wonderful Life, really the only goal is to build your farm and raise your kid. In T.o.T you have more to do and less time to do it, leaving anyone with even a slight anxiety condition to get all tight in the chest as you watch the sun setting over Mt. Gelato. (Must be in bed with the hubby with time to re-energize for tomorrow!)
Anyway, what I mean to say is, I've got 3/5 rainbows and I'm about half there on the 4th's recipe and all my animals love me and I'm about to adopt a stray dog. I just need more winter crops.

I have digressed in such a way because my review is of a blend, one I mixed myself, and A.) I just talked about how reviews of blends can lean towards "GOOD" or "BAD" - i.e. SHORT and B.) This blend I had real high hopes for just kinda left me cold.

Becky's Shisha Kitchen!
Recipies of Delicious Smoking

You know, those chocolate oranges that you bash on the table to break into slices. They're creamy but citrusy, thick but fruity, delicious any time of year, right?
I mixed equal parts Chocolate and Orange for this blend, and the smoke was nice but just so bland. I kind of forgot I was smoking it, or what I was smoking. My friend approved, and so did I I guess, but despite the elements of the listed flavors being there, neither popped. Neither made it exciting. It was the worst kind of balanced ever. Not that it wasn't unpleasant overall, just not what I expected.
Chocolate + Orange = Slammer!

Now get outta my kitchen.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Mwa ha ha. 3 bowls.

I am good at this mixing thing. You should be peeing your pants to read and try the recipes coming up.
But you gotta wait!

I came to the realization that there are two keys to instant Youtube success: Be a hot girl, and have a schtick. And, well, I am/have those things, so I have planted the seeds in my nifty little brain that I might diversify and do video reviews too. But, like, only on mixy ones. Like Hookah Freak, Starbuzz, and my own creations. Not that plain flavors are boring, but they are easier to articulate in print. For blends me and my circlemates uuusually have a lot of "Bluuuh, well, it's, uuuhhh, good? There is, at times, geh?"
They'll still be here, though, too! I guess I'm just kind of thinking aloud. Which is what blogs are best for.

Anyway, that comes later. My blendventions come now!!!

Becky's Shisha Kitchen!
Recipies of Delicious Smoking

White Out
Whiteness. Delicate. Smooth. Floral. Gentle. It's not the blizzard imagery you might expect, but it's what you're gonna get out of this blend. One part H-H Rose, 2 parts H-H Spearmint, and 3 parts Nakhla Vanilla, and the product in your bowl is smooth and cool. I've said it before, Rose normally does not go down my hookah hose without a fight. But the tag-teaming Vanilla and Spearmint wrestled it into submission here. It is definitely present though! And as a white rose is far less garish than a red, the Rose in this blend just leaves us with a delicate floral feel. The Spearmint cools, the Vanilla rounds out the rough edges. Vunderbaugh. Light, but not because there's not much flavor.
3 Vanilla + 2 Spearmint + 1 Rose = White Out!

Purple Haze
Blackberries and acai berries - purple. Hazelnut. Get it? This mix is definitely fruity! (Go figure.) Round berryness prevails and then, all of a sudden and when you least expect it, there's the hazelnut hangin' around your tongue like a loitering teen. But this teen is clean-shaven. He doesn't ride skateboards or light trash cans on fire... His other interests are actually, like, community service and stuff. He also happens to loiter. You actually kind of like it. It provides a nice image. I like this mix because it's a different flavor on the inhale and the exhale, but overall I expected more of a punch from the berries. Needs some tweaking I think, before I really kiss the sky. (Ha ha, Jimi Hendrix is awesome haw.)
Blackberry + Acai Berry + Hazelnut = Purple Haze!

Now get outta my kitchen.


Hi all! This moment marks the beginning of my Thanksgiving Break! And I will celebrate byyy... SMOKING AT LEAST 3 BOWLS OF SHISHA IN A ROW.
I just got my shipment from hookah-hookah and al of a sudden I had a bazillion more Shisha Kitchen ideas. Chiefly based off of the names and/or colors of the given names, admittedly. I did that before I even owned my hookah, when my only dabbling had been in cafes and the like. But now I can picture flavors together and be like "Hey! That could have a title resembling a pun AND it would be DELICIOUS!"
Iii'm excited.
First on the docket for this evening is the Mad Hatter from that competition I cited. Review later. Next will be something called "Purple Haze" and then "White Out," both official premier mixes.

Today's review is White Grape though. Nur.

HookaH-HookaH - White Grape
In the box: Tart smelling but definitely not sour like the Key Lime Pie. I'd say like grae juice but I'm a drinker of reds, m'self.
In the bowl: Definitely not a sweet flavor really. Well I mean it's kind of sweet but to me it leans towards the semi-fermented champagne type of grape. Not bad at all! A non-intense non-fruit fruit tobacco. I'm a big fan. Light on flavor, as was its smell but that suits it.
star star star star star
Hookah-Hookah White Grape: 4/5 stars

See you later tonight!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Wanted: Snappy Title for smooth, Thanksgiving-ripe blend

Last Tuesday: Made up a Chemistry exam
Last Friday: Geology exam, Chem quiz
Tomorrow (Tues.): Another Chem exam
Wednesday: Making up an Econ exam
Thursday: Gender & Identity quiz
Friday: Chem quiz
Jesus, it's as if I'm still catching up from having H1N1 or something. How gross.

Other than that things are good, and I've been spending time with lady friends instead of just the boys (and Stacey) in improv. It's surprisingly refreshing, given ow my entire childhood has led me to the conclusion that though boys are dumb, they're a lot easier to be around than girls, who are to varying degrees all batshit insane.

*rifles through notebook* Do I have any straight flavors for you today? Lessee... no! I've got some catching up to do it seems.

Becky's Shisha Kitchen!
Recipies of Delicious Smoking
I need a name for this one fellows! Yeah, you, the ones that leave ceaseless comments on every post. *sigh* I can dream, right?

Spiced. Chocolate. Rum. Is it a thing? No not really. But it's delicious in tobacco. Mix equal parts Chocolate, Irish Cream, and Pumpkin Pie and you're down for something Autumny, to be assured.
THE RESULT: Definite thickness to the taste. At first it's kind of like burnt chocolate or spiced chocolate which I'm a fan of. The Irish Cream is subtle, doing more for the texture than the flavor - and that is making it very creamy and even lightening it up. Chocolate and Pumpkin Pie kind of switch hit as the main component and that's okay.
It went over real well in my circle, if I do say so myself.
Chocolate + Pumpkin Pie + Irish Cream = ___Name me pls.___

Now get outta my kitchen.

Also! Just (i.e. while in the process of writing this) made an exciting purchase... snagged one of the finalists from the HookaH-HookaH [.com] Blend Off competition! Wasn't going to spring for the whole 10-pack of finalists (though by God you should if you have money I don't becuse they sound DELICIOUS every one) but I chose Mad Hatter for the sheer wet dreams factor of the ingredients/description. Also got a little 50g 5-er because they'd just sent me a 10% of coupon code. To include: Acai, Chai, Orange, Hazelnut and Spearmint. Whoo hoo! 6 guaranteed-to-be-perfect flavors for $25 including outrageous online shipping? I'll call it a win.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Kitchen is Open

It's funny, because, I took a longer hiatus after I got a NEW bowl than I did when my old one exploded. That's why it's funny.

I got swine flu. I went home and watched 5 Lifetime Original Movies in one day. I have been swamped ever since.

I went to an Alice in Wonderland birthday party upon my glorious return. I brought my hookah and it was a big hit, because the larger, in-house hookah was hitting like a cigarette. Like the burning end of a cigarette. That party was so drunk.

Shisha reviews!!! Remember how I do those?

HookaH-HookaH - Pumpkin Pie
In the box: Uber spicy! Mouthwatering actually. Like a pie. And the only pumpkin pie whose existence I acknowledge is my grandmother's so you know that this is good-smelling stuff.
In the bowl: NOTE - This will be my real-time reaction. Watch carefully: Tastes like nothing. Like musty nothing. I packed a small bowl, okay, bu where is the flavor? Where are the clouds? WHERE IN GOD'S NAME DID THE SMELL GO? -puff puff puff- Cut to several minutes later... Pumpkin Pie! You deceptive devil! After I was about ready to give up on you and shed nary a single tear, you pop up with this silky, spicy, delicate and true flavor. Like a fine, fine pumpkin bread, because it's not so sweet as pie. You were holding out on me Pumpkin Pie! And not everyone is going to be as generous.
star star star star star
Hookah-Hookah Pumpkin Pie: 4.5/5 stars.
And I stand by what I said in my Double-Apple post, that whatever H-H is putting in their pots to make shisha smell so good I wanna hit my mama, they better figure out how to make it taste at least half as good.
Chocolate + Irish Cream = _Unnamed Autumn mix_!

And now, what you may or may not have been waiting for depending on whether or not you knew about it... the debut of...

Becky's Shisha Kitchen!
Recipies of Delicious Smoking
First on the counter, we have my first-ever imagining, called "Date Night".

Date Night
What makes for a great date? Roses, champagne, a box of chocolates by the fire? EXACTLY. So what goes in to a bowl of Date Night blended shisha? I used all H-H flavors and mixed equal parts of Chocolate and what was intended to be Champagne, but since the company was out, I was left with White Grape. Put that in the bowl, and then sprinkle with an extremely light sprinkling of Rose. (Think rose petals not a 2-dozen bouquet).
THE RESULT: Rose is definitely a key player, now matter how moderately you use it. I think Rose tastes like soap and normally avoid it like the plague, but in this blend sweetness pops up like little bubbles on almost alternating puffs, and there's a creaminess overall that dosen't let Rose have its way with your tongue. A Champagne-style Date Night would definitely be less sweet, but the flavor it would bring wold be more prevalent. White Grape (which by my logic is just unfermented champagne, you know?) is fruity, which I like though, for a more even and again - less Rose-inclined blend.
Either way it's a very intimate smoke for an actual date night, and I hope that y'all try it and tell me what you think!
Chocolate + White Grape (or Champagne) + 1/16 Rose = Date Night!

Now get outta my kitchen.