It would be about the hookah.
_ . Sure, I would sell incense, and really cool blankets, and Alice in Wonderland posters...
_ . But I wouldn't sell bon-- excuse me, water pipes. I wouldn't sell pieces or papers or porn.
_ . I would sell ACCESSORIES. Do you know how many smoke shops have hookah bowls? 1/3 I've been to in the past few weeks. I would sell hookahs (of course), and I would stock SO MUCH SHISHA. And there would be COUCHES all over. And a lounge in the back. I would have a refrigerator with wine, and orange juice, and iced coffee JUST for putting in your vase water because WHY NOT.
_ . I wouldn't have to card anyone just for walking in (maybe). The windows would not be blacked out.
_ . The last shop I went into was Mezmerize in Bowling Green, OH. And all things considered, it was really really nice. It was very clean, bright, wide open. They had a lot of brands of shisha there and more flavors of Hookah-Hookah than I think I've even seen online. But there was a list on the wall of "words that would get you kicked out" because they would give the implication that that $10 highlighter in the case was, in fact, an item of PARAPHERNALIA, as is this beautiful crafted glass mouse, and this funny looking paperweight, and that lamp. There was also a shrouded-off corner of adult videos.
_ . You can look right over in my Dislikes and see that I am a pot vegetarian (in like as I don't partake), and stoner culture rather annoys me, no offense. I don't have a problem with people/my friends that do get high nor do I have a problem with them doing it really, but the stereotype - and the few individuals I've met that fit it - get my knickers in a knot. Where I was comfortable in Mezmerize, and in 90% of the smoke shops I've been in despite the overwhelming dominance of barely-passing pieces, I don't like how hookah is an ill-represented afterthought in such places, and I detest how hookah is lumped in with marijuana culture by those who don't know what it's about.
_ . Profiling like that is why I have 2 friends that who'd love to smoke with me all the live-long day, but their parents can't know I (or they) have a hookah. It's why my mom about flipped her shit when I said the word, and I'm not technically allowed to smoke while I'm under her roof. People that fancy themselves (or want their parents to think) they are clean, above-the-table, and even downright prudes can and should be allowed to investigate hookah because it is safe, tasty, classy, social, and legal if you're of age. I don't think that shisha and ganja should be inextricably linked, and definitely not synonymous. And let people like me be the reason why!
_ . If I opened a smoke shop, it would be about hookah and nothing but the hookah. It would give shisha a good reputation, a clear picture of the history, tradition, and products. My lounge would not pump gangster metal, sell chicken fingers, and peddle weed out the back. My establishment would not be sketchy, just smoky. A hookah bar and shop for hookah snobs like me.
And scene.
Also? I want to learn how to indent here. Would it have to be an Html trick? Baaaalls do I hate the _ . buisiness.
Showing posts with label soul-crushing disappointment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label soul-crushing disappointment. Show all posts
Friday, July 23, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Hey dere! Whatcha been dooin l8ly? (Updated, now with links)
- _ Finding out that Blogger does that thing where if you hit "enter" in the subject line it publishes a blank post. I left many an e-mail account because of that inane business Blogger!
- _ Lifetime Original Movies. Bad ones. I'm so sorry, brain cells.
- _ Planning to get a Chinese Water Dragon! My rats are 2 years old and one has cancer. And I'm an over-organizer. You can't blame me for looking up prices & housing requirements, and sketching out the large enclosure I will build for a pet I don't have yet... especially when the critter's so darn pretty. Aaaand, I, uh, need the herpetology experience, yeah.
- _ Making and varying cream cheese frosting... I'm so sorry, waist. I'm still trying to decide if it's better for me for it to be eaten with a food item vessel or consumed straight via tablespoon.
- _ Trying my damndest to get out and about, fighting both restlessness and sloth. Walking is nice in the evenings, even during a Cincinnati summer.
- _ Looking at Ecuador pictures constantly and missing that country like craaazy. Oh, you want to look at them too? Okay. Here's my Facebook albums un, deux, trois. Public links even!
- _ Making a pretty complete list of commercials I can't stand and the inconruencies, annoyances, and frequency/timing issues that result in my distaste.
- _ Inquiring after internship laces where I can play with big kitties, and/or slothes. (That's the British pronunciation, you know. "And the people did feast upon the lambs, and slothes, and carp... and fruit bats..." like.)
- _ NOT WATCHING LEGEND OF THE SEEKER, THAT'S FOR DAMN SURE! *pout*
- _ Not working, nor attending LCCC for chemistry, either, much to my chagrin. But it is what it is. I'm working the "Don't Panic" angle and it's going pretty swell, despite the pressure from my parents.
- _ Not writing for the Nerdist empire, sadly. That makes my dream of befriending Chris Hardwick seem nigh impossible, but it does make me want to breathe new life into this anemic little blog of mine.
- _ Not smoking hookah. Go figure.
You can bet your boots I'll bee hooking (hookah-ing?) in C-bus this weekend. Have faith in me, intarwubbians. I'll write to you when I'm not bleeding money on artsy things and booze.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Laaayla.... er, Laaaya.... Layna? Lanya?
Oh. Well, I forgot that I reviewed my Layalina flavor already and so the title of this post was going to refer to it. But now I see that I've done Cappuccino already, but I like the title so darn much that I'm keeping it!
HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES, INTERBLAG?
Okay, plan B, *shuffle rifle shuffle* AHA! Here we go! A nice disappointing flavor to share with you all as a warning.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES, INTERBLAG?
Okay, plan B, *shuffle rifle shuffle* AHA! Here we go! A nice disappointing flavor to share with you all as a warning.
HookaH-HookaH - Orange
In the box: Really stuck my snoot in and got some mellow citrus. Orange citrus? I suppose sooo...
In the bowl: OH COME ON. This flavor was WEAK. I shouldn't use caps there because yelling is not what this flavor has anything to do with. I think the only distinct orange I was getting was the bit of orange juice I put in the vase (too many variables for a first try, I know, but whatevs). On the whole, it seems as though the tobacco content could be noticeably greater, but the flavor is so unforgivably less, and it burns to harshness pretty fast. Of course, that last qualm could have been because the smoke was so poor that I lit a whole other coal before the first one had burned down any.
I don't know what this flavor's problem is. Hookah-Hookah is clearly one of the most flavorful brands on the market, even sacrificing tobacco leaf cuts with any tobacco in them for cuts that are so neutral in flavor they can completely transform them into any magical concoction they can, well, concoct. Even in my limited yet rapidly growing experience I understand and have been led to believe that the fruits of H-H are the most rambunctious, true, and lip-smacking flavors on the market. So here we are faced with one of the most classic and traditional fruit flavors there is, and Hookah-Hookah's submission is a nonexistant, non-smoking, non-pleasing fluke of an embarrassment bowl? What gives, says I. What. Gives.
I guess I've been keeping in mind how mortified I was to sample 7-Spice right out of the bowl, and how enlivened I was to revisit it later and find that by some alchemy it had transformed into the shisha I thought I was buying. I've been keeping it in mind, but what I'm also keeping in mind is that fact that I opened up my Orange and mixed it with things quite a while ago. It's been exposed to air or whatever other transformative variable would have been working on 7-Spice and it's this drivel! And that's not to say "exposed to air" as in like "I lost the lid and it's been drying out for months," I just mean I broke the seal. I'm confused. Confused and sad. Blastula. (That's a developmental bio term, but it's also me making a curse word longer than it currently exists in common usage.)
In the bowl: OH COME ON. This flavor was WEAK. I shouldn't use caps there because yelling is not what this flavor has anything to do with. I think the only distinct orange I was getting was the bit of orange juice I put in the vase (too many variables for a first try, I know, but whatevs). On the whole, it seems as though the tobacco content could be noticeably greater, but the flavor is so unforgivably less, and it burns to harshness pretty fast. Of course, that last qualm could have been because the smoke was so poor that I lit a whole other coal before the first one had burned down any.
I don't know what this flavor's problem is. Hookah-Hookah is clearly one of the most flavorful brands on the market, even sacrificing tobacco leaf cuts with any tobacco in them for cuts that are so neutral in flavor they can completely transform them into any magical concoction they can, well, concoct. Even in my limited yet rapidly growing experience I understand and have been led to believe that the fruits of H-H are the most rambunctious, true, and lip-smacking flavors on the market. So here we are faced with one of the most classic and traditional fruit flavors there is, and Hookah-Hookah's submission is a nonexistant, non-smoking, non-pleasing fluke of an embarrassment bowl? What gives, says I. What. Gives.
I guess I've been keeping in mind how mortified I was to sample 7-Spice right out of the bowl, and how enlivened I was to revisit it later and find that by some alchemy it had transformed into the shisha I thought I was buying. I've been keeping it in mind, but what I'm also keeping in mind is that fact that I opened up my Orange and mixed it with things quite a while ago. It's been exposed to air or whatever other transformative variable would have been working on 7-Spice and it's this drivel! And that's not to say "exposed to air" as in like "I lost the lid and it's been drying out for months," I just mean I broke the seal. I'm confused. Confused and sad. Blastula. (That's a developmental bio term, but it's also me making a curse word longer than it currently exists in common usage.)
Hookah-Hookah Orange: star star star star star
3/4 of a star for, I guess, the only buzz that one hit of H-H shisha has ever given me?
Chocolate + Orange = Slammer!
1/2 Orange + 1/4 Acai Berry + 1/4 Margarita = The Everything Fruit!
3/4 of a star for, I guess, the only buzz that one hit of H-H shisha has ever given me?
Chocolate + Orange = Slammer!
1/2 Orange + 1/4 Acai Berry + 1/4 Margarita = The Everything Fruit!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Requiem for a Pom
Ho hum. As I promised, I will tell you what happened to my hands, but I've been telling this story a lot lately and it gets less impressive by the day. If you'd like a zestier version, I will provide one only by request.
I work in a theater, and in our theater there is a fly system (set of ropes and pulleys that let you raise and lower batons, which are what things such as curtains and stage lights hang on.) Well one baton was flown in and some of the crew took the curtain off of it. This meant that the system was out of weight, and we had to fly the curtain back up with a disproportionate amount of weight gaining momentum on its way down. This is, unfortunately, the only way to get the weight back off the system.
Anywhoosles, my boss assigned me and some greehorn dipshit to fly out the bound-to-be unruly baton. I started pulling downward and idiotface was holding onto the part of the rope that was moving up. Momentum started to kick in and jackoff began holding onto his part of the rope and riding on it like a fucking merry-go-round. He let his feet come off the ground. THAT SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN. YOU RIDE UP ON THAT SHIT, YOU FLY UP TO THE CEILING WITH THE CURTAIN ROD AND THEN, OR BEFORE THEN, YOU FALL DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE BASEMENT AND YOU DIE FOREVER. I gave him a hurried lecture to this effect.
Well, not 10 seconds later, the rope starts taking of again, I cannot hold it myself and moronpants isn't touching it. "I lied," I say. "I lied, please hold onto it please help me please hold on." I tell him to lock it but he doesn't know what the locking mechanism is because he is incompetent. The rope is shooting through my hands at this point. Whatever happens, the system comes to a stop without crashing at the top and bottom, so I lock it and then go to examine my chewed up hands, littered with the 4 deepest rope/rug burns I've ever seen, for my refusal to Google image it.
In short, my hands were fucked to hell but are healing now, and I work with butts-for-brains.
ALSO! I was bitten by a ball python. Thing is like 2.5 feet long and it was munching all up on my thumb. That didn't incapacitate me, though, it just makes me feel badass.
Hokay, so, life-wise, pomegranates are my absolute favorite [raw] food and and I thought it would follow that it would be my favorite shisha-wise. Because of my adoration of them I was psyched as hell to break open this pot.
HookaH-HookaH - Pomegranate
I work in a theater, and in our theater there is a fly system (set of ropes and pulleys that let you raise and lower batons, which are what things such as curtains and stage lights hang on.) Well one baton was flown in and some of the crew took the curtain off of it. This meant that the system was out of weight, and we had to fly the curtain back up with a disproportionate amount of weight gaining momentum on its way down. This is, unfortunately, the only way to get the weight back off the system.
Anywhoosles, my boss assigned me and some greehorn dipshit to fly out the bound-to-be unruly baton. I started pulling downward and idiotface was holding onto the part of the rope that was moving up. Momentum started to kick in and jackoff began holding onto his part of the rope and riding on it like a fucking merry-go-round. He let his feet come off the ground. THAT SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN. YOU RIDE UP ON THAT SHIT, YOU FLY UP TO THE CEILING WITH THE CURTAIN ROD AND THEN, OR BEFORE THEN, YOU FALL DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE BASEMENT AND YOU DIE FOREVER. I gave him a hurried lecture to this effect.
Well, not 10 seconds later, the rope starts taking of again, I cannot hold it myself and moronpants isn't touching it. "I lied," I say. "I lied, please hold onto it please help me please hold on." I tell him to lock it but he doesn't know what the locking mechanism is because he is incompetent. The rope is shooting through my hands at this point. Whatever happens, the system comes to a stop without crashing at the top and bottom, so I lock it and then go to examine my chewed up hands, littered with the 4 deepest rope/rug burns I've ever seen, for my refusal to Google image it.
In short, my hands were fucked to hell but are healing now, and I work with butts-for-brains.
ALSO! I was bitten by a ball python. Thing is like 2.5 feet long and it was munching all up on my thumb. That didn't incapacitate me, though, it just makes me feel badass.
Hokay, so, life-wise, pomegranates are my absolute favorite [raw] food and and I thought it would follow that it would be my favorite shisha-wise. Because of my adoration of them I was psyched as hell to break open this pot.
HookaH-HookaH - Pomegranate
In the box: Smells about right! Very juicy, very fine, smells like a pomegranate tea blend more than just juice but it smells very real and I'm happy of the absence of any outrageous purple colors.
In the bowl: GODDAMMIT. For the first few puffs I get nothing on the inhale and LICORICE on the exhale. No secret pomegranateyness is revealed while blowing the smoke out my nose and over my palate, as is the case with some shishas. The licorice isn't as strong as in 7-Spice but that lingering anise taste always spreads like roofing tar over the back of my tongue no matter how strong. After some time I started imagining some sweetness on the inhale, but anise still wiped it out completely. I extinguish the essentially whole coal and dump out my bowl, really glad I'd only packed half of it. It starts to rain (really). I dream of the coming weeks when my precious pomegranates will be popping up in produce sections in my nick of the woods. I contemplate actually putting seeds in my bowl when next I want to bother with smoking this.
In the bowl: GODDAMMIT. For the first few puffs I get nothing on the inhale and LICORICE on the exhale. No secret pomegranateyness is revealed while blowing the smoke out my nose and over my palate, as is the case with some shishas. The licorice isn't as strong as in 7-Spice but that lingering anise taste always spreads like roofing tar over the back of my tongue no matter how strong. After some time I started imagining some sweetness on the inhale, but anise still wiped it out completely. I extinguish the essentially whole coal and dump out my bowl, really glad I'd only packed half of it. It starts to rain (really). I dream of the coming weeks when my precious pomegranates will be popping up in produce sections in my nick of the woods. I contemplate actually putting seeds in my bowl when next I want to bother with smoking this.
star star star star star
Hookah-Hookah Pomegranate: 2/5 stars.
Hookah-Hookah Pomegranate: 2/5 stars.
I'm willing to try wine in the water (or directly in my vortex bowl) or dousing my shisha with pomegranate limeade or SOMETHING. I don't want to give up on this otherwise smooth, cloudy tobacco, but I want to know why the scrumptious authentic pomegranate tea smell runs and hides when it comes time to stop sniffing and start smoking.
_ P.S.: HEY H-H! I know I might be new to this, but enough is enough! You're supposed to be the new-agey, flavor-rich shisha! You are not made in Egypt, or Saudi Arabia, you use fancy plastic containers that are specially designed to be air-tight for me, and you use no semblance of traditional art. That's okay! I am a college-age white girl, and I make purchases based on what I like, not on what has the most authenticity or "cred."
_ And hell, have you searched "shisha reviews" on Youtube lately? Those people are predominately other white people, usually overweight, and acting like thugs or wannabe badasses. They're the patrons of the hookah bars I can't stand - the ones playing oppressively loud rap and serving chicken wings they may or may not have bothered to remove from the KFC bucket. You think they could locate Jordan on a map? I assure you, they don't care about authenticity either. I'd imagine half of them smoke ganja out of their hookahs when they're not broadcasting on the intarwubs.
_ PUT DOWN THE ANISE, H-H. Pick up an ingredient that's on the back of my Sour Punch Straws or my fruit snacks. I'll come right out and say it: the buzz is also not what I bought my hookah for. So just go with what tastes good. Round peg --> round hole time, agreed? Come out with a "black licorice" flavor if you must but if you do, make sure that NONE OF THAT MOLASSES TOUCHES ANY SHISHA BUT YOUR LICORICE SHISHA!
Sincerely,
~ Becky
Sigh. 8 flavors to go, 8 dreams to be broken or made. And god help me, I have a Double Apple on the way.
_ P.S.: HEY H-H! I know I might be new to this, but enough is enough! You're supposed to be the new-agey, flavor-rich shisha! You are not made in Egypt, or Saudi Arabia, you use fancy plastic containers that are specially designed to be air-tight for me, and you use no semblance of traditional art. That's okay! I am a college-age white girl, and I make purchases based on what I like, not on what has the most authenticity or "cred."
_ And hell, have you searched "shisha reviews" on Youtube lately? Those people are predominately other white people, usually overweight, and acting like thugs or wannabe badasses. They're the patrons of the hookah bars I can't stand - the ones playing oppressively loud rap and serving chicken wings they may or may not have bothered to remove from the KFC bucket. You think they could locate Jordan on a map? I assure you, they don't care about authenticity either. I'd imagine half of them smoke ganja out of their hookahs when they're not broadcasting on the intarwubs.
_ PUT DOWN THE ANISE, H-H. Pick up an ingredient that's on the back of my Sour Punch Straws or my fruit snacks. I'll come right out and say it: the buzz is also not what I bought my hookah for. So just go with what tastes good. Round peg --> round hole time, agreed? Come out with a "black licorice" flavor if you must but if you do, make sure that NONE OF THAT MOLASSES TOUCHES ANY SHISHA BUT YOUR LICORICE SHISHA!
Sincerely,
~ Becky
Sigh. 8 flavors to go, 8 dreams to be broken or made. And god help me, I have a Double Apple on the way.
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