THINGY

DOES WANT
The Hookah Flip

If I Opened a Smoke Shop...

It would be about the hookah.
_ . Sure, I would sell incense, and really cool blankets, and Alice in Wonderland posters...
_ . But I wouldn't sell bon-- excuse me, water pipes. I wouldn't sell pieces or papers or porn.
_ . I would sell ACCESSORIES. Do you know how many smoke shops have hookah bowls? 1/3 I've been to in the past few weeks. I would sell hookahs (of course), and I would stock SO MUCH SHISHA. And there would be COUCHES all over. And a lounge in the back. I would have a refrigerator with wine, and orange juice, and iced coffee JUST for putting in your vase water because WHY NOT.
_ . I wouldn't have to card anyone just for walking in (maybe). The windows would not be blacked out.

_ . The last shop I went into was Mezmerize in Bowling Green, OH. And all things considered, it was really really nice. It was very clean, bright, wide open. They had a lot of brands of shisha there and more flavors of Hookah-Hookah than I think I've even seen online. But there was a list on the wall of "words that would get you kicked out" because they would give the implication that that $10 highlighter in the case was, in fact, an item of PARAPHERNALIA, as is this beautiful crafted glass mouse, and this funny looking paperweight, and that lamp. There was also a shrouded-off corner of adult videos.
_ . You can look right over in my Dislikes and see that I am a pot vegetarian (in like as I don't partake), and stoner culture rather annoys me, no offense. I don't have a problem with people/my friends that do get high nor do I have a problem with them doing it really, but the stereotype - and the few individuals I've met that fit it - get my knickers in a knot. Where I was comfortable in Mezmerize, and in 90% of the smoke shops I've been in despite the overwhelming dominance of barely-passing pieces, I don't like how hookah is an ill-represented afterthought in such places, and I detest how hookah is lumped in with marijuana culture by those who don't know what it's about.
_ . Profiling like that is why I have 2 friends that who'd love to smoke with me all the live-long day, but their parents can't know I (or they) have a hookah. It's why my mom about flipped her shit when I said the word, and I'm not technically allowed to smoke while I'm under her roof. People that fancy themselves (or want their parents to think) they are clean, above-the-table, and even downright prudes can and should be allowed to investigate hookah because it is safe, tasty, classy, social, and legal if you're of age. I don't think that shisha and ganja should be inextricably linked, and definitely not synonymous. And let people like me be the reason why!
_ . If I opened a smoke shop, it would be about hookah and nothing but the hookah. It would give shisha a good reputation, a clear picture of the history, tradition, and products. My lounge would not pump gangster metal, sell chicken fingers, and peddle weed out the back. My establishment would not be sketchy, just smoky. A hookah bar and shop for hookah snobs like me.

And scene.

Also? I want to learn how to indent here. Would it have to be an Html trick? Baaaalls do I hate the _ . buisiness.

I Have Something to Salute, Besides America

Don't get me wrong, America's great and all. But I wanted to take a moment and pay homage to the best li'l box of coals in the whole big hookah world... Chronic Hookah Instant-Light Coconut Charcoals! I found these beauties on thehookah.com . I ordered them with my first round of H-H tobacco and they have gotten me this far!! I know, I've had myriad hiatus...es... hiati? *shudder*... I know, I've had several periods of dormancy and so maybe to you cynical blogosphere types think that over 8 months of loyal hookah-heating doesn't sound that impressive? But it friggin' is!

Chronic provides the low eco-impact of using gathered coconut husks of all things to make up their squares. They are a low-ash, slow-heat, and flavor-neutral coal. Furthermore they come in a handy dandy quick light option which is DA BOMB. I've never had a bad experience with them in terms of longevity and heat. They're pretty caustic as they're lighting, but you need chemicals to make a quick light light, so, *shrug* I love you Chronic Hookah! You're the best and I'm never going back.

In the coming days (or weeks, ugh) when my big Box'o'108 actually runs out, I'm going to order some shisha with it, using whatever meager funds I can scratch together at this financially desolate time of year, and I am deliberately avoiding Hookah-Hookah shisha. Not because I don't love it, no, but because I realize it's basically all I've ever talked about.

And if you didn't come to a hookah blog to read about hookah talk, I want to go on the record and say that the next time I see a wedding dress with a see-through bodice I'm gonna flip my shit. I am a liberal feminist sex-liking artsy type and I STILL get sick to my stomach when I hear a bride talk about how "sexy" she wants to look on her wedding day and how naked she will try to be in a ump-teen thousand dollar dress.

TTFN!

MORE EXPLOSIONS THAN A "B" MOVIE

Ok ok, I'm taking a brief hiatus (not that my readership at this point is anything but one big gaping absence of internet, but we'll pretend, for posterity.) Here's why.

Uno: I am leaving college for some days to go home, go to a funeral, be a general stress ball what with family I can varying degrees of tolerate milling about. I will not be taking my hookah because my mom is of the opinion that anything you have to light to enjoy besides a candle is to be judged under the harshest of... judgment. I don't need the drama and it's not like I need the shisha, sooo...
Dos: MY HOOKAH EXPLODED! Not really, but, here's the elaborate action sequence that took place in my room last night:

• It was rainy and drizzly and windy and fricken cold so we decided to smoke in my room instead of on my porch.
• There is a smoke alarm in my room! So our setup is to place a fan on a chair blowing out the screen door. Just behind the fan, the hookah is set on the ground. Just behind the hookah, on the ground or in a low-slung chair, a limited number of smokers sit and puff puff puff away. Heat and smoke get dragged lazily but effectively out of the room so you can do cool tricks 'n' stuff even better than outside.
• Near the end of our bowl, luckily the coals weren't much to shake a stick at, THE FAN FUCKING FALLS BACKWARDS STRAIGHT ONTO MY HOOKAH!
• Since the fan was blowing outward, and it fell backward, it sent hot coals and ash blowing straight up into the air. I got ash in my eye.
• I heard a crash! My feet were wet! My eye was in pain. Even my boyfriend yelled a litle bit. Paper goods were scattered with glowing red things. My carpet is forever scarred.
• My bowl, my precious Vortex bowl, my first, my presently ONLY, my free-but-ordinarily-$10+ bowl smashed into [only 3, very clean-breaking] pieces.
• OH, and my only pair of white underwear got a hole burned in them. They weren't on my body tough, fortunately.

Out of adversity though, friends, rises triumph. And out of an artist comes a solution for when your only bowl breaks apart. With some Elmer's glue and some rubber cement, it was air tight again, but it didn't look very snazzy. But I am an ARTIST as I told you, and so... behold the snazziness!!!


Polymer clay is the medium, and I apologize for the quality or lack thereof... my camera has been kaput for some time now and I'm working with a webcam or nothing. And this webcam, see, it tells me things are in focus and then makes them not in focus.

What's neat about polymer clay is how you can bake it right on the bowl in the oven (on a low setting.) The bowl will definitely be able to handle the heat. Upon cooling, the clay isn't really sticking anymore but my remedy is a few shots of Elmer's glue and a nice coat of spray fixative. Is zupa cool, no?

In short, though, I'm still weirded out about using it right away, something tells me that pushing it onto the stem will make all the glue come undone and all the clay break and all of my tears pour out my face.

So I'll see you on Monday or something. Blaaah.
Have a good weekend and if you're out there, would you leave a comment? You can even flame if that's your thing. This is just a test.